so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The air was thick with penises
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
