So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
