It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
