Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize