i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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