I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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