Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
