You can't motorboat a personality
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
