I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
