it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
