I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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