Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
do herpes really smell.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
