so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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