oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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