would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
