I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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