john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
