Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize