my vag is so smooth its legendary
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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