Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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