he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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