apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
