she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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