I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
