It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
