I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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