How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
