Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
