fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
