Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
