I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Found your dick twin last night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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