On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Text me some of your sweat
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