Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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