we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
