Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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