I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
