Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
