My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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