Screwed.edu
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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