I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
