I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
not ubering you a puppy
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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