I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My vagina is officially offended.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
