just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
