I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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