you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
