i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
