He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
