tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
