So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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