i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
