I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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