i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize