u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
