I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
