Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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