The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
