I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
