i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
