A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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