So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
