The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
