i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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