I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
